Featured
Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, New Book, Random Ramblings

Chapter 3

“Why did you show up to my house? How did you know where I even lived,” I question.

“I needed to make sure you stayed safe and how else did you get home? I knew where you lived because you told me at one point if you have forgotten,” replied Malakai.

I was flabbergasted and didn’t quite know what to say. I try to wrack my brain and couldn’t think of an instance that I told him where I lived. I store in mind to discuss at length later because we arrived at whatever destination that Malakai had set the boat to.

Featured
Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, New Book, Random Ramblings

Chapter 2

“Where are we,” I ask because that is all that would come out as I continue to look around at our surroundings.

It takes some time for him to respond as he looks around like he was home for the first time in a long time. After a bit he finally looks at me and my breath catches in my throat. His eyes were a beautiful sparkling emerald green now and says, “This is our homelands. we come from this planet. It is called Metnal. It was supposed to be like a Eutopia for us. It was at first until the king descended into madness.”

He turned and started walking toward the lake. At first I diddn’t see anything, then Malakai whispered somthing under his breath and a submarine type boat emerged out of thewater and approached the beach.

Featured
Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, New Book, Random Ramblings

Chapter 1

I woke up to searing pain in my throat. Almost like it was on fire. I also felt such hunger pains, nothing like ever before. I quickly ripped off my blankets and ran to the kitchen. I accidently ripped off the door of fridge trying to open it to get something eat and drink. Where did this strength come from?

I held the fridge door for a minute confused as hell trying to figure out how I did that. Then the hunger struck me again. I threw the door down and forgot about what I was doing and started scrounging through the fridge for anything that would satisfy my hunger. I tried a bit of everything in my haste and fog. But nothing helped and just made me want to vomit.

I ran to the bathroom about to puke up everything I shoved in my face. As I was washing my hands and face after puking everything up into the toilet, I noticed I looked somehow different than last night and I had two puncture marks on my neck that wasn’t healed.

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Housing, Kids, Me, Random Ramblings, witchcraft

HOME PROTECTION

So when we first moved into this tiny 1 bedroom apartment, the kiddos were absolutely terrified to be anywhere inside by themselves.

So bein’ the “witch” that I am. I soon found out why they were terrified and how to fix it to where they were protected not just from physical beings but also by those who are also spiritual beings.

For before, we even moved into this apartment, there was at least 1 or 2 people who have died in this very apartment. They were not very nice while being alive anyway. They were becoming harmful entities.

I then started digging into everything to do with entities and how to protect against them. I soon started learning about runes, bindrunes, symbols, and everything you could imagine about all of that. I love to learn, my special interest is knowledge gathering, and I will soak up information like a sponge. But I also have ADHD and Autism and such. So I also forget a lot too.

But I drew these runes above every single entrance into the apartment and on the back of our bathroom mirror.

The kiddos are now much more comfortable here and feel safer than they ever have. I also drew this under our rug in front of the only door.

I have begun to practice my so called, “witchcraft” more often and becoming more open about it. I have been using a combination of different religious and cultural practices. Genetically speaking, I am a mutt. I am a combination of so many different races. Over the past 10 years, I have been studying and researching nearly every single religious and cultural practice there have been.

I even lit a candle for the entities I work with for the very first time and needless to say they love it.

I do plan on using the candle wax for a different craft once it is done burning.

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Kids, Me, Random Ramblings

Struggles with ARFID (Avoident Restive Food Intake Disorder) and GERD (AKA Acid Reflux)

So, I struggle with ARFID. It’s been a struggle for a very long time. It started when I was a child. I do not remember the exact reason why it started. It may have been due to bein bullied.

Some days are worse than others. Like today, it’s a struggle to even eat dinner. Even though I was the one that cooked it. πŸ™„πŸ’πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜…

It is delicious. I love it. But it’s a battle with my brain to even take a single bite. I would use ketchup and condiments, but unfortunately, they set off my GERD. So, I have been learning how to add flavor with spices and other ingredients.

Tonight’s dinner. It is baked chicken with buttter, herbs, onion, and garlic. Rice has diced carrots, diced broccoli, and green pepper.

I was the one who baked it and cooked it. But yet I struggle with taking even just a single bite. This winter, I did not realize how bad it got until people started commenting on how slender I look now. But I can say that I am finally at a healthy weight now. Before, it was either I had gotten too skinny or I had gained a little too much.

I have struggled with weight and how I perceive myself. It has been a struggle my entire life for as long as I can remember. It also does not help that the brain has a way of shutting out memories when they are too harmful to even begin to understand.

Even though I am now aware of my food disorder, it doesn’t get any better. It is highly annoying. Like, I know I need to eat, but I just can’t.

Frustrated is an understatement

Like, I love food, but I can only eat what I crave. I have begun to be able to control my other health issues through my diet. Now that I can only eat what I crave, I have been using that to my advantage. I have been learning how to use my symptoms and issues to my advantage.

I have found the 1 thing that can get me to eat regardless of what I struggle with. Marijuana. Depending on the strain and such, I can get the MUNCHIES! That is what has helped me maintain my healthy weight. We also like to play a game with ours. Pre-roll Roulette.

Our glass jar that was a gift

Some days, I could physically feel the hunger and other days, not so much. There are numerous times that I don’t realize I am hungry until I’m about to pass out from it. I know my kiddos struggle with this, too. Theirs is mostly to do with their autistic traits.

The middle child also has GERD like myself. I have recently, over the past year or two, begun to teach her how to listen to her body when it comes to food. The oldes is still figuring out how to tell when he is hungry and figuring out what to eat. The youngest prefers her food plain, usually with condiments.

The oldest also struggles with how he perceives himself. He has ALWAYS been told he looks “too skinny.” He has even been asked if I even feed him. People have asked him while they were right in front of me, staring me in the eye, “does your mom even feed you?”

Now, I am pretty sure you could understand the frustration and anger I felt with that. But yet, no one would even dare ask my husband that question. Nor would they even ask that when he is present. It has always been when it’s just me and the kiddos.

So I am pretty sure you could understand how angry he got over all of that happening to me. But now the kiddos are opening up more and letting us know what they don’t like and the kind of reactions they have to the foods.

Recently, the oldest had tried oatmeal raisin cookies and did not like it. He had stated, “I tried it and gagged to it. So I don’t like it.” Which is perfectly okay. At least he tried it. Plus, there are other ways to try the foods to get them into your system. He just doesn’t like oatmeal in general, but he likes raisins.

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Kids, Me, memories, Mowgli, My Funny Moments, Random Ramblings, The husband, The Monkey's (AKA Kiddos), The Princess, The Yoda Baby

Being The Size Of A Child

So, as many may or may not know. I am a whopping 4 feet and 11.5 inches tall. Approximately 120 lbs, maybe? I don’t know, I haven’t gotten my weight checked in quite some time. I have, in a way, lost weight since but have gained muscle. So we will see. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

But there are perks and downfalls of being as small as a child. I often get mistaken for a child. There have been times that people have mistaken my husband for my dad. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£

I have been told that I “look too young to be shopping by myself.” Even at work! I get mistaken for a kid.

I could be tinkering behind the counter at work, and someone else who works there will run up thinkin I was kid takin candy. Or I would go into pur little storage area to tinker around in there and restock the sales floor and someone will run in thinkin a child snuck in again or someone left the door open because no one saw me go in.

Even going to dentists is challenging because I am an adult but require child-sized tools. Most adult dentists do not have those tools. Since I am over 18, medicaid requires me to see adult dentists. So that was a huge struggle. I would gag on those card like things that go in your mouth for X-rays. Often, they would be frustrated with me thinkin I wasn’t tryin hard enough to hold it there or that I was simply being picky.

But in truth, I wasn’t. The thing was simply too big and caused my gag reflux to severely act up. Even simply needin a brace for like my knee or wrist or anything like that, the doctors office usually has to go hunt down a size small or a child sized one because I am so freakin tiny.

Recently, I have been told that there is someone in our apartment complex that doesn’t want her kid playin with the others outside because she had seen one of them smokin a blunt. I am 100% sure that she saw me and mistook me for a child. πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜…πŸ€£πŸ€£

For 1) because if any kid touches our stuff, we would KNOW. Because my kiddos tend to blurt things out anyway. πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜…

For 2) my kiddos know better than to mess with the stuff until they are older. We have talked about this with them and to each other at length.

We don’t like to say no completely if we, OURSELVES, do the same thing. It just doesn’t make sense. Plus, I have taught my kiddos to always ask questions and not be afraid of asking questions. Because that is how we learn. We aren’t born with most of this knowledge. We learn it. But I will get into all of that into a different post. Because I think I may have steered off topic just a little. πŸ€πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£

Me bein as small as I am has caused quite a few people to treat me like I am a child even with knowin my freakin age and knowin full well that I am in fact an adult. But my size throws people off most of the time.

Some days it get annoying as fuck but most days I find it amusing and funny. Plus, I am quiet. So that, plus my size, makes it EXTREMELY easy to scare the shit out of people just by going around a corner. My usual response when we nearly bump into each other (because we are coming from opposite ends) is, “Hi.” I am pretty sure that doesn’t help with the unexpected real-life jump scare. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ€£ But that is my automatic response when that happens.

My son, who is 11, is nearly as tall as I am. There is less than a foot of difference. I need to get a picture of us standing next to each other. I will update this post when I do. He usually doesn’t like pictures taken that often. So we will see. But I can only imagine what would happen when he starts hitting puberty and becomes a teenager. Especially given my size, it’s goin to be hilarious. 🀣🀣🀣

I also often have people ask me if I am still in school (meaning high school) or when I will graduate (also, meaning high school). I have been told that I don’t look like I have had 3 kiddos. (All 3 of them were C-sections due to health complications)

There was one time out shoppin with my father-in-law (because the husband works for landscaping and often doesn’t come home until dinnertime or later, sometimes earlier but not often and I medically can not drive) we were asked if he was my grandfather. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£ Oh, the look on their face when we corrected them. That was priceless. 🀣🀣🀣

I am 99% sure that if I wanted to, I can go on the kid rides with the kiddos. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£ I can only imagine my husband’s reaction. Shakin his head because he is not surprised one bit. I would probably be one of the reasons for age limits. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

Not just because I am the size of a child but because I also act so much like a child. It’s like what I tell the kiddos all the time, “Just because we were dealt a shitty hand does not mean we can’t make the best of it.” I was born with a weak immune system, and my health was a big reason why I missed so much school. I never expected to even live this long or even be able to have kiddos. They were a surprise miracle.

But anyway, I am stubborn, sometimes to a fault. But it has helped me live this long. Plus, I am Audhd, so that doesn’t help. Haha, if anything, it helps add to the “lookin like a child.” πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Ghost Tales, Random Ramblings, Weird Encounters

Haunted Apartment

So most don’t know this. But prior to us moving into our tiny 1-bedroom apartment, two people died at separate times. I don’t remember the exact circumstances to the first death.

But the second one died in their sleep. Their health and age caught up to them. They didn’t like children and were very rude and crabby by the time they passed.

When we first moved in, no one felt safe nor comfortable. Due to all the negative energies. So I worked hard to cleanse the space and chase out all the negative and any entity that had ill-intentions.

I even went around and wrote sigils about every single entrance to the apartment, including the windows and mirrors. So now, any entity that has ill-intentions can not enter into the space.

I also have a whole huge and powerful ancestors, spirite guides, familiars, and entities who help protect my family I have created and myself. They have pulled me out of some hairy situations my entire life. I always felt protected, and now I fully know how. I’m learning the why.

But anyway, the kiddos have told me that they see spindly fingers from behind all the cracks and stuff in the back of the bathroom by our toilet. I so far have them blocked from further coming in, but I am working on finding a way to expell them completely.

But today, a family friend got to see for himself what we have been talking about for ages. Some sort of electronic got turned on by an entity, and it took him by surprise.

Here is how that conversation went:

Family Friend: “Did you see that turn on? It just turned on, didn’t it?”

Brother-in-law: *nods his head*

Family Friend: “Dude, I think your place is haunted.” Turns to our brother-in-law and goes, “You saw that turn on, right?!”

I go: “Yea, our place is. We’ve known before we even moved in. That is why I wrote all the sigils above every entrance.” I proceed to point to above the door and window.

I also say, “If the entity has ill-intentions, then they are not welcome.”

I then chuckled to myself a little because I knew the entity that did that was messing with them and found it amusing. 🀣🀣

Posted in Recipes

My Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

Ingredients:

  • 3 cans of diced tomatoes
  • 1 can tomatoe paste
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 1 Tablespoon minced onion (you can more or less depending on much you want to put in)
  • 1/4 cup chopped spinach
  • 1 Tablespoon chopped parsley (you can add more less)
  • 1 Teaspoon oregano
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon pepper
  • 1/2 cup water

Instructions:

  • Pour the 3 cans of diced tomatoes into a medium (or large) pot.
  • Bring to a boil on medium-high heat
  • Boil for about 15 minutes
  • Turn down heat to medium
  • Mash with a masher
  • Add 1 can tomatoe paste and 1/2 cup water
  • Turn down heat to low
  • Stir until tomatoe paste is dissolved
  • Add oregano, salt, pepper, parsley, spinach, onion, garlic
  • Stir until combined
  • Turn off heat
  • Serve with your choice of spaghetti
Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Family Time, Kids, Me, Mowgli, Random Ramblings, The husband, The Monkey's (AKA Kiddos), The Princess, The Yoda Baby

Hilarious Night With Husband and Kiddos

So it is the night before a birthday party and a couple of our neices and nephews along with their uncle stayed the night. Their uncle is about the same age as my oldest, so they have grown up together for the most part.

They played outside for most of the day and then came in for the night around 9 pm. The girls then decided to take a bath once they were settled down a bit.

After about an hour in the bath, I tell them that it’s time to get out. Mind you, these girls are between the ages of 3 and 8 years old. But they have the attitude of a teenager. πŸ™„

Anyway, I noticed that one of them still had soap in their hair, I told her to go rinse out the soap. She pouts and asks, “What about the sink once I dry off?” I say no, because I don’t want to clean up a bigger water mess. I just say, “No, get back and there and quickly rinse it out.”

She rolls her eyes at me and goes, “But I can just dry it out…” I chuckle a little and respond with, “it don’t work that way, I tried.”

She just pouts at me. Afterward, they are all dressed and chillin’ for the night. The boys started playing video games together. At first, they were playing Fortnite, and then it switched to Roblox.

They start playing some kind of scary game that the character you’re running and hiding from jump scares you. After a few minutes, I start hearing ALL of the kiddos scream. Mind you, there are 6 kiddos here all together. So those of you with a bunch of kiddos yourselves will know how loud that can get. πŸ™„πŸ€£

I go to tell the ones in the bedroom to scream quietly 🀫. My middle child goes to show me her quiet 🀫 scream. Then I hear complete silence for a second. I then hear a couple of the kiddos along with my middle child bust out laughing. I then ask, “Did you just fart?” Which sends nearly everyone into an even bigger fit of laughter. Because she did what I had thought.

She farted at the same time she quietly screamed. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£

Then, as I start walking back to the living room, I hear her proceed to say, “EEWWWW, that was stinky!”

I died of laughter as I went to sit down for a minute. Then, a few moments later….

Their uncle comes out of the bedroom and proceeds to say, “I just had the fart scared out of me. 😢😳” I then roared with laughter. 🀣🀣🀣

These kiddos are epic! I love them!

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Dave and Buster Adventures, Me, Random Ramblings, Work

Work Update 04/28/20203

So today I got some super exciting news!

I get to move up in my training. It was a guarantee from the beginning, but now it is a most definite.

I found out not too long ago that training was available for amusement manager. I immediately jumped on it and am now nearly halfway done with it. Next will be the on the job trainings.

But apparently, the GM of my store didn’t know that it was up and available yet. That is, until I pointed it out. He then said that since it will let me, to go ahead and continue with it.

So that is what I have been doing. My original goal was to be at least a manager. But I was never expecting an amusement manager. I am beyond excited for this journey.

I didn’t even know that it could be possible to move up that quickly. My whole life, I kept getting told to slow it down or to stop and take my time. I never even dreamed I would told to go ahead and move on.

I have been giddy about it all day. Here, very soon, I hope to be starting my on the job training for it. Just a few more activities to do on a computer, and then I can continue with the on the job training. I can even do the computer training on my phone since it is so much like a handheld computer. I can even get word documents on it.

My special interest is knowledge gathering, and that is what drew me to Dave and Busters. They have so many opportunities for growth and learning!

Being able to do training on my phone, too, made it a whole lot easier to move up at a faster rate. So while I am stuck at the counter, sometimes I will do some training on my phone between helping guests and such.

It has been getting to the point that when I get bored, I will begin to pester the managers for more training. They are learning that I will continue to pester so that way I am not forgotten about. Because I know how busy the managers can get. We are all only human, after all.

Sometimes, I will even look for training I can do outside of my department when I get bored, and there is nothing else to do. With autism and adhd combined. It has been interesting working with them. I would say unmedicated, but I do smoke marijuana in various forms. Of course, it is medicinally.

But anyway, that is neither here nor there.

Back to topic. With those two combined, I often get bored fast. Especially when there is nothing to do and you’re just standing there at the counter waiting for guests to complete their purchases. I usually try to have at least something to do while I wait.

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Me, memories, My medical shit, Random Ramblings

Getting Locked Into a Room

So when I was a child. Say middle-school/high-school age. I was locked into my grandmas computer room

Now, I know what everyone is thinking. It was neither my mom nor my grandma. This was sometime after my grandpa was no longer alive.

My sister wasn’t home. I don’t think. I know my mom and grandma had gone to the store while I sat in my grandpa’s old chair doing my homework. I had my homework sitting on top of the board I was using for the puzzle I was putting together.

Now, my mom and I did slightly argue over it. But she was only trying to make sure I did my homework. So we agreed that as long as I did my homework, I could keep a hold of my puzzle. I just couldn’t ignore my homework and do my puzzle instead.

But while they were gone, my aunt at the time was I don’t know, I think watching over me. But anyway, I had dropped some puzzle pieces and was picking them up and putting them back on the board. She assumed I was “playing with my puzzle.” And had taken me and my homework to my grandma’s computer room while yelling at me.

I didn’t understand what was going on. Because I was doing what my mom asked me. Do my homework and do not play with my puzzle. But the aunt refused to listen to me and continued about her yelling and locked me in my grandma’s computer room until my mom and grandma got home.

Well, I also suffered from severe depression and anxiety during that time. Plus, being an undiagnosed autistic with undiagnosed PTSD. So, by the time they got to me, I was balling my eyes out, and even today, I still do not understand her treatment. I don’t even remember if she even felt sorry for what she did to me or even apologized for it. It’s amazing how memories can be taken from you as the brain tries to protect itself and the host.

Even though it has been over a decade since the incident, it is still mostly engraved in my memories and is one the worst ones. I swore then that I would never allow that to happen to my kiddos. But then, I turned around and did nearly the same thing to my middle child when she was a toddler. Now I have my reasons, and I know none of them are even close to being adequate enough to condone what I did. So all I can do now is work on never being that person again and never doing that again.

I now have nearly every single health and mental issue diagnosed. Whether that be self-diagnosed or medically diagnosed makes no difference.

I can now change and do better.

Posted in Daily Random Thoughts, Me, My medical shit, Random Ramblings

Reminiscing and Thinking

Seeing how many people have happy, supportive families and their kiddos getting spoiled by their aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends, and everyone. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love seeing all the smiling faces and stuff makes me happy.

I just get sad because I so wish my kiddos had that. I had love and support from not just my mom, grandma, grandpa, and sister. But from my great-grandparents on my moms side and one of my other grandmas.

But I never once had support from my father. Nor my aunts and uncles. When the oldest was younger, we did have a few people send us stuff for him. We still have some of the stuff from that time. I am forever grateful to those who have not treated us coldly.

But the kiddos don’t have the same support system I did. They do have a select few that chear them from the sidelines. But even then, they spoil one and don’t really include all 3 of them. It hurts my heart to see them so sad and defeated. Their brains now go against them, and I have seen them often wonder what is wrong with them.

I myself have been in those shoes. Wondering what was wrong with me and why even my own father treated me as a drug addict. Simply because I use marijuana. Even then, I only use medicinally. I don’t use it to simply get “high.”

One of the kiddos’ fears is being taken away from us. It is deeply rooted fear in the middle child. She was so traumatized when she was a toddler. She was often told by not just people who said they were our friends but also by their own aunts and uncles and that if she wasn’t near me, or if I didn’t keep my eye on her at all times, then they could just simply snatch her up and take her.

That is the root cause of her separation anxiety. The youngest doesn’t quite understand any of that yet. But she is catching on. The oldest was always treated horribly for his autism and meltdowns.

Just like me, his emotions are tied in with his tear ducts. So when he is angry, he cries. He is nervous, he cries. He is extremely happy, he cries.

He was even told by a cousin that his crying was annoying and that they were tired of it. Oh man! My heart broke with his. His brain immediately started turning against him, and he was depressed. Then the same cousin told him one day that they were blocking him without further explanation nor even any conversation. Which did not help his depression.

That took us some time to get through to him to start laughing again. We have such toxic family members that the kiddos don’t even know what it feels like to be spoiled by anyone other than their parents. Maybe their grandparents from time to time. But not often enough.

When their aunties and uncles did take them places, all I ever got most of the time was how badly they behaved. Then, when I was a stay-at-home mom. I was treated like some waste of space or the family babysitter for everyone else. I know I have a shit ton of medical issues that prevent me from living a normal life. But like shit man! That doesn’t mean to treat me like I was less than human.

We may be poor and use pot, but that doesn’t mean that we are drug addicts and pieces of shits. We may have been dealt a shitty hand in life, but we are working on creating as good a life as we can. Cutting out anything that harms our peace of mind and focusing on our family.

But that doesn’t go without saying. The shit still hurts. There have been many times I have hated myself because of all my illnesses. I often, even now, still wish that I could like any other healthy adult who can go off and be productive without worrying about being bedridden within the hour.

I often want to be able to cook and bake without feeling like I am about to become so dizzy that I fall over. The main reason I no longer communicate much or even attend as many family events as I used to. I am breaking genereational curses and removing toxicity. We may be struggling financially right now. But soon, that will all change, and we plan to spoil the fuck out of the kiddos as much as we can and create an environment that they can truly feel safe and free to be themselves and to be happy.